Wouldn't it be wonderful to decide that you were not going to feel stressed about a particular situation, and then to have it be so? Almost every day you encounter events that can cause you to react with worry, frustration and stress. The things that cause the most stress for you are those that leave you feeling out of control or helpless. Even ordinary pressures, when stacked one upon the other too rapidly, can cause you to feel this way.

You frequently see the words "stress management," followed by a list of techniques designed to help you deal with life's pressures. Although helpful, many of these techniques provide only temporary relief. For long-term reduction in the amount of stress that you experience, it is necessary to view stress management as a decision-making process.

First, you must recognize your own signs and symptoms of stress, and then decide what you can and cannot do about the situation. In this decision-making process, it is helpful to approach the situation from the perspective of the three "A's"—alter, avoid, and accept. Look at each stress-producing situation and ask, "Can I alter this situation, can I avoid it, or must I accept it?"

Altering refers to either removing or lessening the source of stress by changing something. This may occur through such actions as problem solving, communication, time management, planning ahead, organizing, or coordinating.

For example, if you repeatedly end up stressed when you have an approaching project deadline, you may be able to alter that stress by organizing and prioritizing the tasks required for project completion. You might recognize that the real culprit is your procrastination, so starting on a project earlier and working steadily may lessen the stress.

Altering a situation may in some cases remove the stress that you feel both now and in the future. More often, some degree of stress will remain, but it will be less than it was prior to the alteration. You may still experience natural feelings of stress in regard to doing a good job on a project, but the magnitude of the stress will be reduced so that you don't feel out of control.

Avoiding refers to the ability to remove yourself altogether from a stressful situation or to figure out how not to be there in the first place. This involves such things as walking away, letting go, saying "no," delegating responsibility, or withdrawing. Avoiding requires two things: recognizing that some stressful things are actually avoidable, and knowing and being willing to act on your own limits.

Suppose you are asked to be the chairperson for a fund raising committee. You know that you don't have the time and energy right now for such a task, and adding another responsibility will certainly create stress. You can say "no" and avoid that particular stress. Suppose you are working a lot, and having to prepare dinner each night is just one more added stress. You can choose to order take out, or let everyone fix themselves sandwiches for a few nights in order to avoid the additional stress.

There are certainly situations in which it is unwise to say "no," but it is important to avoid added stress when possible. If letting go or saying "no" is difficult, it may help to ask yourself these questions: "Is it really necessary that I do this thing?" "Who expects it of me?" "What will happen if I do not do this?" Sometimes you will find that no one has expectations except you.

Accepting is necessary in those situations that you cannot alter or avoid. Accepting does not mean that you are helpless. It does mean that you must equip yourself by building resistance to the stresses encountered. Building resistance includes such things as getting proper nourishment, rest, and exercise, changing your attitude, building a solid support system, and practicing relaxation techniques.

By building your resistance through use of such techniques, you may counteract some of the negative effects of stress. For example, if you are stuck in traffic, take three deep breaths to help calm yourself. Likewise, if you never have time for yourself, try waking up earlier each morning and using the time for meditation or exercise.

Stress is inevitably a part of life, and a degree of stress actually serves to motivate and energize you. The important thing is to be aware that you are never totally powerless, even in the most stressful of events. You can always make decisions that can help you to alter, avoid, or accept with strength those stressful situations that you encounter.

© Harris, Rothenberg International, Inc.

Reviewed 11/07